Issei, King of Kings
by Reclusive Dork
Summary: At the end of the great war, God has perished in the final conflict-though not without defeating his five greatest foes. However, the one known as God has always found a way around death, And this time will be no different... Give or take a couple millennia. Full summary inside, Read and review.
1. Chapter 1-Return of GOD!

_**HEY! Reclusive Dork here. As an atheist, I strongly disagree with the idea of God, heaven, and Hell. But, I don't kind reading stories, watching anime, or playing games that have a somewhat basic connection to the bible, like Harry potter(don't even try to deny it, Harry is practically Jesus in Deathly Hallows), High School DxD, or this one obscure game called El Shaddai. So, I'm going to write a DxD fanfic... About GOD! Well, sorta. It's really about Issei. So with that little tidbit, I think I'll start. I give you...**_

 **Issei, King of Kings**

 **(P.S.-I own NOTHING!)**

 _Year 777 AD-end of the great war._

 _God has perished in the final conflict, though not without defeating his five greatest foes, four of whom also perished-The fifth, known as the Trihexa, sealed inside the perfect prison. The ranks of the four who perished were inherited by the strongest of the devils on the allied division, also known as the Anti-Maou division- Gremory as Lucifer, Sitri as Leviathan, Astaroth as Beelzebub, and Glasya-Labolas as Asmodeus._

 _However, the one known as God has always found a way around death, And this time will be no different... Give or take a couple millenia._

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My name is Issei Hyoudou, and I was having the best day of My life. Earlier, a SUPER hot babe asked me on a date. Of course he accepted. So I spent a couple hours planning our date. First, I took her to a burger shop, then, I introduced her to the arcade, and to top it all off, a walk through the park.

That was when it all went to hell. Actually, Purgatory is more accurate.

Yuuma Amano-that's the girls name- looked at me with an adorable expression and asked me, "Ise-kun, would you do anything for me?"

It seemed innocent enough, so I said yes. She followed up with a much weirder question- "Would you die for me?"

I don't know what I expected, but it certainly wasn't for her to suddenly transform into a black-winged angel in a leather dominatrix outfit. And I most definitely didn't expect her to form a spear of fuckin' LIGHT and throw it at me.

I don't know how I did it, but I managed to dodge the spear, but that was short-lived as I ran right into the path of a second one.

I braced myself for a great deal of pain.

What I got, though, was a strangely pleasant warmth that spread through my whole body.

Then came the migraine. It felt as if someone was taking eleven jackhammers and drilling my skull to mush.

MEMORY! So many Memories. Memories that couldn't possibly be mine, but most definitely WERE. Memories that stretched back to the Dawn of Time.

My name was Issei Hyoudou, I was a rather perverted boy, who had absolutely zero people I could truly call my friends.

Now, My name is something lost to the sands of time, I am a completely Pure soul unable to hate any living being with billions of followers who pray to me every day.

I am the Truth.

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Meanwhile, up in heaven, Michael the archangel was supervising the creation of the Brave Saints, a system similar to Evil peices, only using holy energy in the form of cards, instead of demonic energy in the form of chess pieces.

He was looking at a particularly promising attempt when an _immense_ wave of holy energy flowed through the room, destroying the current attempt and unbalancing every angel that was standing(Including himself).

"What in God's name just happened?" muttered one of the younger cherubim.

But Michael recognized this power. Unable to keep his excitement under control, he immediately said what was on his mind. "That's EXACTLY what happened... Or rather, _Who_."

The aforementioned cherubim stared at Michael in disbelief. "You can't be serious. He _died,_ remember? People don't just come back from dying like that."

Michael smiled. "You're both right and wrong there. _Normal_ people don't come back from the dead... But God? God never truly dies. After all, he IS the only Truth in this world."

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In an apartment complex rather near to the park that the incident was happening, Azazel was attempting to defeat a computer-controlled opponent in his newest video game, _Super Smash Bros._ He was distracted, however, when an Incredible wave of holy energy crashed over him, breking his concentration long enough to lose the fight.

"It _can't_ be... He's back?"

Azazel then noticed the 'victory' screen. "What! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! My perfect record!"

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In the vast reaches of Hell, Sirzechs Lucifer was curled up in the lowest corner of his basement. "Please don't hurt me, please don't hurt me, please don't hurt me, please don't hurt me."

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Raynare was NOT having a good day.

First she made the mistake of revealing herself to the boy Azazel assigned her to watch. She tried to fix that by asking him out, so she could erase his memory.

Then she was approached by Kokabiel, who ordered her to kill the boy, or face death.

Next, when she had reached the end of the date, she decided to follow Kokabiel's orders, and attempted to kill him.

Only he didn't die. There was no blood, no scream of pain, no death... Only a bright light that quickly receded to reveal that the boy was, in fact, a holy being.

And not only that... But a god.

No... Not a god, but _GOD._

She really fucked up.

"Actually, Raynare, I'd say you did me a favor."

Looking up in shock, Raynare saw the Holy One standing above her, Looking almost completely the same, save for that color and length of his hair, said hair being waist-length and completely white.

"What? But, but I tried to KILL you!"

The white-haired God chuckled. "Indeed, you tried to kill me. But you did so with no hatred in your heart, only resignation. But, tell me. Why didn't you go to Azazel when Kokabiel interrupted his orders?"

Raynare looked ashamed. "I... I didn't think of that. Sorry, Your majesty."

The reincarnated God laughed outright at this. "You don't need to call me that. Call me... You know, I think I'm rather fond of the name I was given upon my rebirth, so call me Issei."

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 **And That's My new story! Or the first chapter of it, at least.**

 **Also, please don't Review if you're only going to complain about Issei being God, or about me being an atheist, or shit like that. It's pointless, I'm not going to change who I am, and this is my story, so if you don't like me... Don't read my stories.**

 **But if you have stuff to add, Feel free! I'll consider it no matter what it is, but I'll only use what i feel could fit. Again, flames are useless. I be fireproof.**


	2. Chapter 2-Gathering of the factions

**Oh, WOW. That's a lot more positive feedback that any of my previous stories. Well, as so many people enjoyed my story, not all of them leaving reviews though, I think I'll write another chapter... IN THE DEAD OF THE NIGHT! (we will find her)**

 **...First person who gives me the name of the movie I just referenced gets to choose a cameo appearance. But seriously, I'm doing this in the middle of the night.**

 **Well, Enjoy!**

 **Chapter 2**

When Michael arrived at the place he sensed his LORD, he was surprised to see him attempting to calm a panicked Fallen Angel. As he drew closer, he heard the Fallen say something that made his blood boil.

"But I tried to KILL you!" Michael prepared to draw a light spear, but stopped when he heard his LORD speak.

"Indeed, you tried to kill me. But you did so with no hatred in your heart, only resignation. But, tell me. Why didn't you go to Azazel when Kokabiel interrupted his orders?"

Michael let his hand fall to his side, unable to believe his ears. God, the King of Kings, was forgiving this wretch? He barely heard the girl mutter an apology, but snapped to attention when he heard his LORD say something truly shocking.

"You don't need to call me that. Call me... You know, I think I'm rather fond of the name I was given upon my rebirth, so call me Issei."

And like a switch was flipped, a great many voices sounded from every hidden corner of the park, all saying the same damn thing: "WHAT!"

It took a few moments before Michael realized he wasn't the only eavesdropper. Though when he looked back at the scene, he was nervous to see a highly amused God- or Issei, as he seemed to prefer- and a notably irritated fallen angel. The fallen seemed to be looking in one specific direction. Michael turned his head to face whatever she was looking at, only to palm his face at the sight of a very Poorly hidden Azazel.

"Hi Mikey."

"GAH!" Michael turned back to see a smirking Go... Issei two feet away, arms crossed. Michael desperately fought to regain his breath.

"Wow. I know I haven't done that in a while, but you really should have trained your awareness while I was gone."

Finally managing to catch his breath, Michael stood straight and prepared to give a report on what happened during God's absence, but G... _Issei_ held up a hand to stop him.

"I know what you're going to say. I haven't been completely out of the loop while I was waiting for a new body, you know. The grim reaper kept me updated on things in the living world. Nice guy, though he could seriously use a girlfriend."

"Pffft." Michael whirled around to see his long-time acquaintance(read: Pain in the ass), Sirzechs Lucifer. "Wow, Big man, I almost forgot that you had such a great sense of humor."

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Issei turned his head towards the red-haired devil and smirked even more. "Zacky. Good to see you again! How's your sister?"

The Current Lucifer spluttered for a moment. "How do you- never mind. Wait... HEY! I thought I told you to stop calling me that!"

Issei shrugged. "Would you rather I call you Zexy? Because I can do that."

Sirzechs flushed red, and while he tried to ignore the giggling coming from a nearby bush that sounded suspiciously like his adorable sister, he muttered, "Zacky's fine, just wonderful. As long as he doesn't call me THAT, I'm fine."

"Thought so. Well, I'm going back to the house I'm currently staying at, see if I can convince the couple that reincarnated me that I really am who I Am. Ta-ta!"

And just as easily as he was there, he was gone again.

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In the Hyoudo household, Gai and Mari Hyoudou wer sitting at the dinner table, waiting for their son to return home. So imagine their shock when he just teleported into the dining room, looking very much different.

"Hi."

The couple stared blankly at their son who was quite literally glowing. "Hi... Why are you wearing a wig?" replied Gai.

Mari looked at her husband in confusion. "Are you seriously going to ignore that he just TELEPORTED in here?"

"Yeah, are you going to ignore that? ...This hair's real, by the way."

"BULLSHIT! You didn't have that hair this morning!"

"I wasn't God this morning... Okay so I was, but I was trapped in a human shell. But that's not the point!"

Silence. Issei looked at his 'parents', to see them looking at each other with wide grins. Gai was the one who broke the silence.

"When was your wager, Mari?"

"September."

"Mine was October, I guess you win."

Realization crashed down on Issei. "You KNEW! And you never told me!"

Issei's parents looked at Him sheepishly. "Of course we knew. How could he NOT notice the immense holy energy coming from my womb?"

"Though for some reason, when you were born, we could only feel a trickle."

"By the way, now that you're You, do you want us to throw away your porn?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Not the boobs! ...Or ass, ass is good too."

Dumbfounded at this reply, Issei's parents huddled together, whispering. "Did YOU know God was a pervert?" "Well, I guess it makes sense, seeing how many times sex is mentioned in the bible..." "Oh! And Song of Solomon is practically poetic porn!" "Makes sense."

"You guys DO know I can hear you, right? I'm standing right here."

Suddenly, a great wave of information flowed into his brain, filling him with strength.

"...Good Me, how many christians and jews are there today?"

"You forgot Muslims, and Mormans. Altogether, about three/fourths of the worlds population believes in you."

"...Fuck, that's awesome."

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 **Yes. God is a perv. The biggest one. But he still believes in Love. Anyways, in my eyes, there is no such thing as perfection. So God is a Pervert. That is all.**

 **Review, please.**

 **Ta-ta!**


	3. Chapter 3-Issei's Libido Is Almighty

**Reclusive Dork, Reporting for duty! In this chapter, we go** _ **back to school!**_

 **Be prepared, Boosted Gear shows up in this chapter... But the wielder is someone you probably won't expect(Except Doiman777, who gave me the idea.) ...Well, maybe you will expect it.**

 **First one to spot the cameo gets to choose another(except the previous winner.)**

 **Chapter 3**

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The next morning, Issei woke up at 7, took a shower, got dressed in his school uniform-making sure to button up all the way- and tied his hair into a neat braid.

When he went down the stairs, the looks he goot from his parents were rather surpising, as if they somehow expected him to get laid while he was at school. But that's not likely...

Right?

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I was wrong. The very moment I stepped though the academy gate, a group of rather pretty girls immediately flocked around me, Asking if I was new(I said no), if I was single(of course), and finally my name.

When I told them my name, they were so shocked that I was able to slip away quietly. I suspect they're stiil out there... Well, they're gonna be late.

As entered homeroom, I was immediately met with stares. Deciding to get this over with, I made my way over to my seat.

The girl next to me leaned over and said- "You might not want to sit there. Issei Hyoudou sits there, and he's a really big perv."

I rolled my eyes and replied. "I know, Aika. After all, I _am_ Issei Hyoudou. Now please, let me imagine big boobs in peace."

The result was immediate, The girl- Aika Kiryuu- loudly exclaimed how that's not possible, my hair was brown, how did it get so long...

"-And most importantly, HOW the FUCK did your dick get so BIG!"

Silence. I placed my face into the palms of my hands. "Aika... As much as I want chicks to know how big I am-believe me, I really want that-did you really have to shout that, at the top of your lungs just when class is about to start? ...And as for your questions, I woke up like this." Not a lie, but not the complete truth.

"NO FAIR! ISSEI,YOU TRAITOR!" And that would be Matsuda and Motohama.

They ran into class and immediately spotted me. They ran up to me, probably to 'excommunicate' me for joining the 'pretty boys',so I looked them in the eyes and sent them to their desks, Not willing to deal with them any time soon.

Class went by rather fast, and soon it was lunchtime.

I was hoping to sneak away to hide in the trees near the Kendo club, but was immediately confronted by the She-Perv herself, Aika.

"I'm not satisfied with your answer. How did this happen? What did you do?"

I sighed. Of course she wouldn't believe me. She probably has a sacred gear, a strong one. But which one?

Deciding to just bite the bullet and tell her, I told her to follow me. She did so hesitantly.

Feeling a bit mischievous, I led her to the clearing behind the female baths. I pointed at the fence. "Tell me. Who do I normally peek at around here?"

"The kendo club..."

"Why?"

Now she's looking annoyed. "Because they have big breasts. Where are you going with this?"

"Look down at your chest." 

"Why?"

I smirked. "Doesn't it feel heavy, Aika?"

Now she's mad. "What are you talking... About... The HELL! My boobs are huge! Bigger than Rias and Akeno!"

I shook my head. "Not really. More like you're equal."

"Yeah, okay... Now how did you do that?"

"Yesterday I was asked on a date by a girl I don't know-Don't laugh, it's true-and at the end of the date, she attempted to kill me-"

"Figures. Nobody would really want to date you."

"-with a spear made of light."

"...What?"

"Yeah. Well, when the spear hit me, I didn't die, but instead returned to my true form."

She snorted. "Let me guess, the Shinto god of Boobs?"

"Not quite, but close. Think more christian."

Aika blinked. "...The devil?"

"God."

"Pfffft. Okay, you almost had me there. You? God? As if God would be perverted."

"Actually, there's biblical proof. Why do you think the bible mentions sex so much? And what about that Porn poetry book in the bible?"

Aika was floored. "I... Okay... I guess. So if you're God, then what about the devil?"

"Which one?"

"...What."

I smiled. "There are over a million devils in all. So... Which one?"

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"-so you're saying, I have this wierdo Ancient tool inside my SOUL of all things, and you're gonna help me awaken it. Right."

"Pretty much."

Aika palmed her face. "Look, I get that you want to help me... But do we have to do this while listening to Elton John?"

I smirked. "Yes, yes we do. I really like Rocketman."

*sigh* "Alright. Fine. Lets get it over with."

I grinned. "Okay, think of the strongest thing you can imagine, and focus on bringing it out."

"...That's it?"

"That's it."

"Okay... Here I go."

I don't know how much I was expecting, but it wasn't for it to appear almost immediately, and certainly not for it to be the Boosted Gear Longinus. Also, it wasn't in a twice critical form like most users started out with.

"...What did you pick?"

Aika smirked at me. "Your libido."

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 **Yup. It was Aika. Anyways , guess the cameo. And yes, Aika is stronger than canon Issei.**

 **Ta-ta!**


	4. Chapter 4-A devil's Pawn

**HELLO TO YOU ALL! I am BACK... From my incredible feeling of Boredom.**

 **Wow, already so many reviews! It's beautiful! I feel like [I'm surrounded by gumdrops and Rainbows!**

 **?-Really? Can I come in?**

 **...I'm surrounded by idiots]**

 **Guess the reference! This time, you get to choose a plot device!**

 **LETS GO!**

 **0-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=++++++++++=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-0**

 ****Motohama and Matsuda saw Issei leading Aika Kiryuu to their favorite peeking spot. Deciding to see what he was up to, they (not so) stealthily followed.

When they reached the spot, M & M hid in the bushes.

Issei started up with a slew of weird questions. And each time Aika answered, her... boobs got bigger.

M & M were now drooling. To think, All this time, Issei had such a glorious power.

Then Aika noticed, and she started up with her own questions.

When Issei said he was God, Matsuda started crying, and Motohama nearly fainted. Finally! An ally on the divine level!

But then Elton John's _Rocketman_ started playing out of nowhere. M and M then ran away. It's just not worth listening to that.

Too bad. If they would have stayed, they would have seen a lot more awesome stuff.

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 _After lunch._

Aika Kiryuu was having a very wierd day. It all started at lunch, when she confronted Issei about his change, and he _made her boobs bigger._

Then whe she went back to eat lunch, it seemed as if everyone believed she _Always had big boobs._

She even had her own _fan club_ , for some reason. Apparently, she was the THIRD Queen of Kuoh.

 _The_ _hell? WHAT did Issei DO!_

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Life is good.

Especially when your two most devout followers were bigger perverts than you.

But it's really awesome, when they Bow down and declare you the 'God of Perverts'.

"You know, Guys, it would be easier for you to get a girlfriend if you acted like a gentleman to girls. Despite what girls say, they really want a boyfriend who's not a prude, but is also really nice-but the nice part is more important. That's why Kiba is so much more popular than you guys."

Silence. Then...

"YOU SUCK!"

"No I don't. I _thrust."_

"FUCK YOU!"

"No thanks, I don't swing that way, But Kiba does. Go ask him."

"FUCK NO!"

"Oh, hey Kiba! How goes the boyfriend search?"

M & M turned their heads mechanically to the right. Kiba was standing there, followed by a large group of fangirls who were furious at my claim.

"Not so well. I'm still upset that you rejected me." AND there goes the crowd. Wow, they must be heartbroken.

"I told you, Kiba, I entirely straight. It wouldn't have worked out."

"But I can still dream, can't I?"

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After school let out, Aika was dreading her parent's reactions to her size change.

But to her surprise, even her parents thought she always had the boobage.

What did Issei DO!

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 _The next day._

Aika Kiryuu woke up expecting to have her normal boobs back... But she didn't. She still had massive knockers.

As she got ready for the day, she thought about how this could affect her.

But then, it hit her. NOBODY but her and Issei realized that she didn't have big hooters before.

Aika decided she could work this to her benefit.

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What she had in mind was to wrap the school's guys around her finger...

Being attacked in an alleyway was not on the list. As she dodged another light spear, she wondered how she could get out of this.

OH! The sacred gear-

"So you finally realized, huh? To late. Just know that you were killed by DOHNASEEK!"

Aika looked down at her chest, where a great spear of light had peirced her.

"Dammit Issei... Why couldn't you be here on time! I want to live..."

Deep in Aika's pocket, a red light began to shine as the fallen angel retreated into the distance.

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Aika woke up on a couch in a room she didn't quote recognize. Wait...

Aika sat up straight. She... She had died... Right?

"You did. But I called in a favor from an old friend, and he had his little sister plant a magic circle on you."

Aika looked towards the voice, to see Issei... And the Occult research club?

Why do they look so scared of Issei? Aika voiced her thoughts.

"Oh, that's because they're devils, and I'm God."

The club seemed to fidget a little more, causing Issei to look at them. "Oh, calm down. Sirzechs is a good friend of mine, I'm not about to smite you. Anyways!" Issei looked back at Aika. "I had Rias here reincarnate you into a devil." He pointed at a redhead with equally big boobage.

Aika blinked. "You... Do know that's rather ironic? I mean, you're God. And you asked a devil to save me. ...Are you sure you're God?"

"YUP! Anywho, it's time for me to go. Oh, and say hi to Ddraig for me, will you?"

Aika stared as Issei walked out of the room. "...Who's Ddraig?"

 **-That would be me, my most wonderfully gifted partner.-**

Aika leveled a glare at the ceiling. "Please tell me I did not just hear that." 

**-Testing, testing, show me your chest.-**

"AARRRGHHHH!"

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 _Meanwhile, in the Legion of Boobs-Er, that is, Issei's bedroom_

"So, Mikey. You're telling me, that you've been making people fall... Just for a little perversion? You suck. You do realize that I myself, am the biggest perv in the world?"

 _"My apologies, your greatness."_

"Yeah, yeah. You're a fuckin' prude."

 **0-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=++++++++++=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-0**

 **Well, do you guys like it? Hate it? Love it with all your farts?**

 **Tell me. And I Shall Fart in my head.**

 **Ta-ta!**


	5. Chapter 5-Never Piss off Godssei

**Okay, so nobody got the reference I made last chapter. For shits and giggles, I shall make it again this chapter. The first one who spots BOTH references, both old and new, will get to submit two plot devices!**

 **Anyways, I'm back! My excuse? I was working on my original story. That is all.**

 **So now we have...**

 **Chapter 5**

 **0-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=++++++++++=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-0**

Issei Hyoudou enjoys hamburgers. Issei is God. Therefore, God enjoys sushi. Yup.

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{Godssei POV}

I had decided to leave a substitute in class for myself, in the form of an angel, and go for a walk.

On my walk, I came across the cutest nun I had ever seen. Short, long blonde hair, and green eyes that reminded me of when Gabby was little.

But before I could approach her, she tripped.

And I got a full view of her pink lace panties

And THEN I approached her.

"Oh, Holy God, my Father, please forgive me, for I have sinned!" She cried in what was most definitely english.

Smirk. "You know it's not a sin to trip." The young nun jumped a couple inches, then looked in my direction. I was a little unnerved when her eyes started sparkling.

"Father! You're here! You actually came to answer my prayers!" I was a little freaked out when she started bowing, but then I remembered the little charm I put on myself around five thousand years ago that would make it so any devout follower of the bible would immediately know who I Am. I then remembered my little ability to 'see' the names of people.

"Calm yourself, Asia." I replied in english. "You wouldn't want to make the people around us think you're crazy, would you? Let's go somewhere less crowded."

The young nun nodded eagerly.

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"So you've been banished from the church- MY church- just because you could heal more than just humans and Angels?" I asked incredulously.

Asia nodded sadly. "Yes... But, didn't you know that?"

I flinched. "Asia, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. In 777 AD, at the end of the great war between Heaven, Hell, and the Grigori, I died."

Asia blinked. "Died? But... You're here! And you can't have died, you're God!"

I sighed and silently thanked myself for putting up a ignorance barrier around our table. "Asia, I am not invincible, nor indestructible. I had just sealed away the beast of the apocalypse, Trihexa, and then gone to fight four super-devils by myself. I knew I wouldn't survive the fight, as the sealing had taken up a good seven/tenths of my power. I still defeated the four devils, but when I killed Lucifer, he too struck a fatal blow."

Asia started to cry. "But then... How are you here? You're not... You're not a hallucination, are you?"

At this I chuckled. "No, Asia. I just redid my most famous act, though this time on my main body, instead of my secondary. Much harder, though. It took over a thousand years to make myself a new body, but about sixteen and a half years ago, I came up with the idea of sending my soul into the pregnant womb of a woman named Mari Hyoudou. As you can see, it worked, and my soul has fully merged with that of Issei Hyoudou. I am God, and I am Issei. And I am most definitely enjoying my Springtime of Youth."

Asia blinked. "So, you didn't approve of my excommunication?"

"Nope. I would have made you a true holy maiden, sorta like Mary, but not." Really. I'm so glad I sent someone else to tell her that she was chosen to carry my second body in her womb, otherwise I think she would have taken it way too far.

"Really!?" She exclaimed. "Does that mean-"

"NO! ...No, you wouldn't be carrying my child. Mary never did that anyways. It was just another body for me."

"Ohhhhh... OKAY!"

And that is how I gained a Stalker-I mean! ...Helper. Yeah.

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Aika Kiryuu hates fanboys. It's official. After the first attempt to manipulate one, she had given up. So she attempted to ignore them. That made it worse. Then she attempted to run them away by beating them up when they bothered her- and they LIKED it.

"Why can't I have normal fans like you or Akeno? Why do my fans have to be so... Weird?" she complained to her new best friend, Rias."

"You do have normal fans, you just have more weirdos than the rest of us." Rias replied while she poured a cup of tea. "I can teach you how to deal with them, if you like. And if that doesn't work, I guess you can always ask Issei for help."

Aika snorted. "I think I'll take your advice. What do you suggest?"

"Well, I use my devil powers to implant suggestion in their minds, it helps keep them in line."

Aika blinked. "You mean I could just brainwash them?"

"Pretty much. Though try to keep it to just how they act around you- don''t want to arouse too much suspicion."

Aika started to grin evilly. "Yeah, okay... Huhuhihihihi..."

0-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-0

 _MEANWHILE, AT THE LEGION OF BOOBS(Issei's room)_

Issei giggled pervertedly as he peered into his crystal balls.

"Oooh, yes, Shake that tushy rias, you too Aika... I'm hopeless.

Meanwhile, in the next room over, Asia lies curled up on her bed, crying to herself. "Why can't he make MY boobs bigger!"

"I can!"

0-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-0

Aika blinked.

"What the hell is a stray devil?"

Rias sighed. "A stray devil is..."

0-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-0

Issei whistled at the monstrosity before him. "Damn, you're hideous."

Said monstrosity howled. "HOW DARE YOU! I AM BEAUTIFUL! I AM ALSO INVINCIBLE!"

When the monstrosity decided to suddenly shoot lasers out of it's boobs, Issei was so mad he just smites the hideous thing out of existence.

"Whoa." said Kiba. "Remind me to never piss you off."

 **Just so you know, I haven't read the whole manga, or watched the whole anime, so I'm sorta pulling this stuff from what I remember from other fanfictions and the wikia. Please, remind me of what comes next. Also, if you want a special original arc, vaguely describe it, and I will make it to the best of my abilities.**


	6. Chapter 6-Crossdressers and Peacocks

**HEY THERE! Reclusive DORK is back in action! I bored, so I write new chapter.**

 **Have you ever had squirrel stew? It's rather tasty. Or so my sadistic sister assures me.**

 **ANYWAYS! Riser Phenex appears in this chapter. He also pisses off the wrong Issei. Let us begin.**

 **CHAPTER SIX**

 **0-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=++++++++++=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-0**

Issei is not amused by Freed Sellzen.

"Ho, I spy with my little eye, a shitty devil who stole the nun I was going to violate!"

Issei is now pissed off by Freed Sellzen.

"Hey... HEY! SHITTY DEVIL! YOU IN THE WHITE HAIR! LET ME KILL YOU!"

Let it be known that Freed Sellzen is sort of an idiot.

0-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-0

Issei blinked. "So... You called me to go over there to turn a crossdresser into an actual girl, So you don't have to look at the way his bulging muscles stretch the magical girl outfit he's wearing? Really Aika?"

 _"That, and he's creepy as shit, but he does do good acting."_

Issei snapped.

Issei appeared in Mil-tan's Apartment.

...Issei resisted the urge to scream.

Issei slapped Mil-tan.

Oh? Your Mil-tan is Evolving!

Congratulations! Your Mil-tan evolved into an Attractive woman!

...Complete with big tits.

(Issei Pinched Aika's rear.)

0-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-0

Issei enjoys peeking on Rias Gremory.

Issei does not enjoy when other men try to claim Rias Gremory.

So when a tall, dark and arrogant yakuza devil materializes in the ORC room, Issei feels threatened.

His claim, that is.

"Ah, my dear Rias, your servant's tea is simply lovely..." exclaimed said Yakuza devil, as he sips his tea.

"Indeed it is, my dear peacock." Let is be known that Riser Phenex did not squeal in surprise.

He did, however, wet his pants...

With very hot tea.

That is why Riser Phenex squealed.

0-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-0

"-and that is why I will give you one week to prepare for our rating game. I want to crush that white-haired weakling!"

"I'm right here, you know. And I'm not really a devil. I just stole Grayfia's underwear when she wasn't looking."

"WHAT."

Issei sat by calmly as Riser tried to obliterate him. "Hey, Rias. Would you rather i smite him here and now, save you all the trouble- OOOH! I know, I can use my influence on your brother to switch the contract in my favor!"

"HOW DARE Y-" Riser was unceremoniously cut off by a flying waistband.

Rias took a moment to ponder. "Well... It would be interesting to be married to the Abrahamic God, considering the fact that I'm a devil."

At this Riser paled, having just realized that he was antagonizing an all-powerful deity.

"Do it."

Aika stood in the corner with her little twinkie-like familiar(who happened to be the leader of a tribe of more twinkie-like creatures she called 'Minions') wondering what the hell just happened.

Issei grinned as he held out a slip of paper.

"Enjoy Virginity, peacock, 'cause you wont ever get out of it!"

0-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-0

 **Well, I'm back... He he he...**

 **...Sorry?**

 **Don't Kill Me?**


	7. Chapter 7-Issei makes a mistake

**AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAH! I am here again, with a new chapter of Issei, King of Kings!**

 **...Yes.**

 **0-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=++++++++++=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-0**

"HE-Kshhhhhhh."

"We Interrupt this Program to bring you Word of God"

"And lo, ye LORD descendeth from ye heavens above ye Vatican, Bringing forth his mighty Pimp-hand, And Striketh ye Pope so, as HE was displeaseth with our blasphemous act of inciting Holy war upon those who are of disagreement of Deus during His Holy Nap, and sayeth to the masses: Force not thy Religion on Those who doth not agree, So says I."

0-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-0

 _Meanwhile, at the Shrine of Amaterasu in Kyoto._

A very voluptuous woman with Long white hair with red highlights and shining gold eyes

wearing a white and red kimono appeared at the alter, where an equally attractive woman with long golden hair, fluffy fox ears, And nine fluffy tails stood.

"Yasaka, What brings you? News?" The first woman asked.

The fox lady straightened. "My lady, I had just been watching Television, when the channel turned itself to a news reel- A rather strange one, spoken in old english. It said that "the LORD descended and Struck the Pope for... Starting wars, i think. What do you think is going on?"

The first woman straightened. "It seems my wayward Fiance has shown himself again. Dead, Ha! He was just hiding."

"...Lady Amaterasu? Fiance?" Yasaka asked confusedly.

"A few thousand years ago, I caught the Biblical God peeking at me while i was changing. I immediately demanded him to take responsibility."

"And...?"

"I demanded him to marry me, of course!"

"...What."

0-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-0

 _Meanwhile, at the Legion of Boobs._

Issei suddenly felt a chill go down his spine. "...Maybe I shouldn't have made that spectacle?"

"Which one, the one where you groped Gabriel, the one where you flirted with Leviathan, or the one with the pope?" Michael twilled sarcastically.

"The Pope, because that one was the one that made the news."

"...My Lord, You... DID tell the other Pantheons that you're back, right?"

"...Fuck..."

Suddenly, a loud 'pop' sounded and a womans voice yelled out.

"BELOVED!"

"...Oh no..."

-Poof-

"Be-Where'd he go? This is where he should be... I sensed him here..." Amaterasu looked around curiously.

Michael smirked. "He's under the bed, Look for a white cat"

"Traitor!" A white cat with Gold markings dashed out the side of the bed, only to run headfirst into Amaterasu's foot. The Goddess of the sun immediately reached down and picked the cat up and started cuddling him into her bosom.

"NO! You can't tame... me... Oooh, that feels good." Cat-Issei howled in protest until Amaterasu started scratching his ears.

0-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-0

Aika stared at the young woman at the front of the class, standing next to the teacher.

"Class, I'd like to introduce a new student. She comes here from Kyoto, So please treat her well. Introduce yourself, please."

The white-haired girl smiled widely. "HI! My name's Amaki Taiyo, my friends call me Ammy! Please Take care of me."

Aika just stared in horror, even as the boys in the room whispered to each other about her three sizes, and how exotic she looked. _'There's Another One!'_

Her inner monologue, though, was interrupted as Matsuda stood up and yelled out...

"WILL YOU HAVE SEX WITH ME!?"

...Something incredibly Stupid.

Aika watched as the new girl simply Smiled, and said three powerful words.

"Sorry, I'm Engaged."

Matsuda slumped. Motohama cried out. "To WHO!?"

"Issei Hyoudou."

A thud came from the direction of Issei. "Ughhhh. I was hoping you'd at least keep that secret, Since you obviously hadn't Forgotten."

The boys in the room glowered. "Hyoudou, You BASTARD!"

"Sorry, My Parents are married." _'This time, at least.'_

Amaterasu just giggled.

 **0-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=++++++++++=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-0**

 **...Yes, I used a human form of the Amaterasu from Okami.**

 **So sue me.**

 **Ta-ta!**


	8. Chapter 8- Excalibur Reborn!

***Crying Manly Tears of Joy* I... I LOVE MY FANS! You make me feels so loved! THANK YOU!**

 ***Manly tears end* Alright. Time to get to business.**

 **By the way, Check out my To-Love-ru Fic, Strongest of all. It's an Oc-insert, but it's kinda good. Also, PLEASE check out my Pokemon fic, Crossroad project. It has Zero reviews! Please help.**

 **0-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=++++++++++=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-0**

Issei Hyoudou was trying VERY hard not to grab the boobs bouncing in front of him.

Meanwhile, Amaterasu/Amaki was doing her very best to tempt him. "Come on, Ise-kun. You know you want to."

...Or at least that's what Issei heard. What she really said was: "Do you want to play Twister with me?"

...Well, it was still sorta tempting.

"Hey Issei?"

"Hm?" Issei looked up to see Saji Genshirou, an upperclassmen that Issei had befriended a few weeks before his awakening.

"I just heard the news. Can I be the Best Man? It would be so awesome!"

Issei blinked. "Sorry, Sirzechs asked first. You can be a Groomsman, though."

"...Sirzechs Lucifer?"

"Yes."

"...Who are you, really?"

Issei jumped up and struck a pose, incidentally landing his hand on Amaki's left breast. "I am the ultimate warrior! Men flee before me! Women fall at my feet! Children dream about being held in my arms! I am the Great, the Amazing, the Immaculate, Yeshovah! ...Also known as God."

Saji started panicking, until he realized that he wasn't being vaporized.

Saji looked at Issei curiously. Then he noticed that Issei was paler than usual... And still reaching out.

"Oooh, Ise-kun, I'm so happy you're finally taking our Relationship seriously!"

"Merp."

0-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-0

Irina Shidou skipped happily to her childhood friend's house. Trailing behind her in a defeated slump was her partner, Xenovia. "Why are we going _there,_ Irina? That guy's a known Pervert!"

"Nonsense. Ise-kun's my oldest Friend, he would never do anything to me. Besides, I heard some very interesting rumors about him."

"They're probably true. Especially if they're about perversion."

Irina turned back. "No, I overheard some angels talking about how God made himself another body-I don't know why though- and that his new body called itself Issei."

Xenovia snorted. "Must be some other Issei. The LORD is No Pervert."

Irina smirked as she walked up the steps to her friend's house. "I wouldn't put too much faith into that. Even as a child, Issei had a lot of holy energy in him."

Xenovia cringed as Irina knocked on the door.

"You do know that I've been walking behind you two for five minutes. Spacey much?"

Xenovia immediately drew her sword, but Irina smiled as the door opened to reveal Mari Hyoudou. "Why did you knock, when you had Issei with you?"

Xenovia awkwardly put her sword away, and turned around to see two people with White hair-a Pretty boy, and a Chick with huge tits. "Who are you?"

Issei smirked. "Really? You can't Tell? Name's Issei. What are you doing with the Excalibur Fragments?"

Xenovia moved her hand to the sword again. "How do you know about that, It's Church business!"

Issei smiled. "I know because it's My Church. I run the Vatican. Pleased to meet you, I'm God."

Irina Squealed. "I Knew It!"

Xenovia scowled. "Prove it, Pervert."

Issei grinned. And in that _one_ grin, Countless images flashed across Xenovia's vision. Images of times long past, images of wars, wonders and... Women.

Xenovia blinked. Xenovia Stared.

Xenovia handed over Excalibur Destruction.

Irina followed suit.

Issei looked at the swords in his hand. "Your mission was to retrieve the missing fragments, right?"

Irina and Xenovia nodded.

Issei placed the two swords on the ground, and waved his hands above them. "With Mimicry and Destruction, I call upon the Holy Swords of Transparency, Control, Nightmares, Wonder, and Heavenly Flames. Come to me, Excalibur!"

0-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-0

Somewhere in Kuoh, Kokabiel watched in horror as the Sword he was about to hand to a stray exorcist(Rapidly) vanished in front of their eyes. Dreading the truth, he immediately went to check the other two, and was floored to find them gone.

Kokabiel, for the first time in two days, Had a hissy fit.

0-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-0

The man who was placed to guard the last piece of Excalibur panicked when he saw it vanish in a flash of White-gold light.

"I am SO fired."

0-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-0

Arthur Pendragon XIV was polishing his sword when Excalibur Ruler vanished in a flash of light. Arthur stared, then continued his task.

0-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-0

Issei Grinned as the other five sword appeared, making a seven-pointed star with Mimic and Destruction.

Issei waved his hands over the seven. "May Seven Become One."

And so the seven swords floated into the air, swirling around in an iron vortex, when a bright light flashed, and One incredibly powerful Holy Sword stood in the air.

It was a wide-bladed greatsword, with a blade of light blue metal, and seven Jewels of seven different colors on the Blade, three gems on the golden hilt-White, Black, and clear- and the blade Shone with power.

Issei Grinned. "Behold! The Sword of Power Reborn, Excalibur Resurrection! ... Or you Could just call it Excalibur."

Irina Clapped her hands. "YAY! Excalibur is Fixed!"

Issei grinned. Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to go polish my shiny new sword."

 **0-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=++++++++++=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-0**

 **Ha! Excalibur Resurrection, Beat that! ...Or use it, I don't mind.**

 **Also,** **kazuyaeu? Thanks for the flame, It made me happy that my view on humanity is right-There are Nice idiots, Mean idiots, and people who aren't idiots. I mentioned that i'm fire proof? I was telling the truth. Also, the s'mores i made with your flame were delicious!  
**

 **Also, I'm not making Fun of Christianity. I'm making fun of HIGHSCHOOL DXD. I come from a Christian family, So I have a healthy respect for the faith.**

 **Ta-Ta!**


	9. Chapter 9- Sword and sword and sword

**I am ON a ROLL!**

 **I love to write.**

 **A little serious this chapter.**

 **0-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=++++++++++=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-0**

Kiba Yuuto glared at the sword in Issei's hand, his temper rising. "Why..?"

Issei looked up from polishing his sword. "Why what?"

Kiba growled. "Why do you have an Excalibur fragment?!"

"I don't. I have the full Excalibur, Reforged by Yours truly. Why?"

"Excalibur Ruined my life!"

Issei looked at the knight. "Kiba Yuuto. If I were to hand you Excalibur Resurrection-which is indestructible, by the way- what would you do with it, since it can't be destroyed?"

Kiba Yuuto hesitated, the gears in his head making strange clanking noises. He then glared at Issei, and the noises stopped. " _Thank_ You. That was the epitome of annoying."

Issei grinned. "Sorry. It was funny, though."

"...Okay. I know what I would do. I would find Valper Galilei- He's the guy who started the holy sword project that killed my comrades- and shove the blade so far up his ass it would come out of his mouth."

Issei cringed. "Okay, Excalibur is not going up some guy's ass. How about I give you another holy sword, that often get's overlooked?"

A sheathed Longsword with a very elaborate hilt made of silver appeared in Issei's hand. Issei handed the sword to Kiba.

Kiba took the sword and drew it. "What is this? The sword emanates darkness."

"Claiomh Solais. The Holy Sword of the People. The only holy sword that is able to be used by Anyone, even without being a true match. The sword uses the energy of the wielder, multiplied by their skill in swordsmanship, to form its power. The more skilled you become, the sharper the blade is."

"I... I see. And you're giving this to me?"

"Yes. And here's your second gift." Issei snapped his fingers and an old man in a priests outfit with curly hair, round glasses and an odd mustache appeared in the room, bound and gagged.

Kiba's eyes narrowed. "Valper Galilei." He turned to Issei. "What do you want me to do with him, _Your Holiness?"_

Valper, who was panicking at the situation he was suddenly in, Looked at Issei with widened eyes. _'This boy is the Reborn King?'_

Issei smiled cruelly. "I may not be able to hate him, as I am unable to feel hatred for a living being, But I do know that i hate what he did. It was inexcusable." Valper started to sweat profusely.

Kiba's eyes widened. "So?"

"Execute him." At this, Valper started to squirm frantically.

Kiba looked at Valper. He reached out with his shiny new sword... And then retreated.

"No. That would only put me at _his_ level. I won't kill him, because he doesn't deserve a quick death."

Valper confusedly stopped squirming. _'He's... Sparing me?'_

Kiba started grinning. "No, I have a better idea. I saw this in a manga once..."

Valper started sweating again.

0-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-0

Issei marveled at the many curses Kiba put on Valper using power borrowed from himself. "Wow, Kiba. I didn't know you had it in you."

Kiba Smiled. "Yes, Revenge is much sweeter when you can prolong it indefinitely. I certainly couldn't get that if I killed him."

Because Valper Galilei was now cursed to only be able to wear the most humiliating of outfits-A large diaper connected to a baby pink tutu, with okama makeup, and a hat that looks like a giant turd. Layered on the curses that he can only eat onions for the rest of his life, can never count to ten without being struck by lightning, and that whenever he attempts to pleasure himself, he will only feel pain... It was cruel.

Issei looked over at Kiba. "You pass. Here, another sword for you. It's not really a holy sword, rather a demonic sword that can mimic the effects of Holy energy. The last wielder of tis sword went mad, as only a devil, or a man with a Truly pure heart can safely wield it. It's name... Is Galatine."

Issei handed Kiba a Black longsword with an elaborate hilt. Kiba scowls. "Really? Another sword?"

Issei grinned. "Actually, Galatine wanted to be wielded by you. And now that I've remade Excalibur, Caliburn isn't the strongest holy sword anymore."

Kiba stared. "What all powers does Galatine have?"

Issei laughed. "It's a Demonic copy of the original Excalibur. It has all the powers of that."

Kiba gawked at the sword.

 _ **"Yes, That's right, Grovel to me... Snap out of it, idiot!"**_

Kiba jumped.

 _ **"What, never met a Talking sword before? Excalibur can do it too, but that bastard is probably just resting from his rebirth."**_

 **0-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=++++++++++=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-0**

 **Claiomh solais's design is from Tales of Vesperia, The powers from Campione.**

 **Galatine's design is like a one- handed version of WARFRAME's Galatine.**

 **Also, can I get someone to draw Excalibur Resurrection? Maybe with Godssei holding it?**


	10. Chapter 10-Weddings and bad days

**I'm BAAAAAAACCKK!~**

 _ **Grovel before the mighty Godssei, The Sexy Man-God!**_

 **Shut up Issei.**

 **0-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=++++++++++=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-0**

"YOU!"

Issei looked up from his porn crystal with a look. "What is it Kookie?"

Kokabiel spluttered. "K-KOOKIE? The last person to call me that was... Oh. Fu-" Boom.

Issei smirked. "I love mail-order air raids."

Kokabiel coughed out a cloud of smoke. "Ouch..."

He then fainted.

The gems on Excalibur Ressurection's hilt glowed. **"Mail-order? Really, bro?"**

Issei ignored that.

The voice of two men rang from behind him. "ISSEI!"

Issei turned around, to see Sirzechs and Susano'o standing there with grins on their faces.

Susano'o, Amaterasu's Brother, clapped his hand on Issei's shoulder. "Ready for your big day?"

Issei began to sweat. "That was today..?"

Sirzechs copied Susano'o. "You're not getting out of it that easily."

0-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-0

"We now come together to celebrate the union of three people- An irresponsible perverted God, a shameless devil, and an incomparable Goddess. Why they chose this turd, I don't know."

"OI! It ain't your job to insult me, Odin!"

"Yes it is." Odin looked at Amaterasu. "Do you, Amaterasu, Shinto Goddess of the Sun, take Issei Hyoudou, Retarded God of Creation, to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"OI! Stop Insulting me!"

Ammy giggled. "I do." 

Odin nodded, and turned to Rias. "Do you, Rias Gremory, heiress to the line of Gremory, take Issei Hyoudou, Supreme Asshole God, to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"OI, OI! I said stop it!"

Rias rolled her eyes. "I do."

Odin nodded and turned to Issei with a grin. "And finally, Do You, Issei Hyoudou, Biblical God of Creation, take these two lovely ladies to be your lawfully wedded wives?"

Issei Grumbled. "I do."

Odin's eyes twinkled. "Then you may Kiss the Brides."

Amaterasu swooped in for her kiss, only to collide with Rias.

Issei looked on in wonder, as the two girls ended up kissing the wrong person.

Odin coughed. "Well, that's interesting."

Issei laughed. "You know, next time you run a wedding, maybe it would be better if you insulted both the groom and bride, you know, equality."

Odin snickered. "Wheres the fun in that? And you still have to kiss them, you know."

"Aw, but I want to watch more Yuri..."

The two girls sprang apart, as they finally noticed they weren't kissing who they thought they were.

The girls glared at Issei, then smirked.

Amaterasu claimed his lips first, and held them for a good ten minutes.

Rias claimed them next, and pouted when she couldn't hold her breath long enough.

She then glared at the Sun goddess, who was smirking victoriously.

0-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-0

Issei is god. Issei does not cry.

Issei Weeps.

Why is he weeping?

Because his human parents somehow found gay porn mags in Issei's room.

"I'm telling you, they're not mine!"

"Uh-huh. Then whose are they?"

Amaterasu swept into the room. "Ise-kun, have you seen my yaoi... Um... Oops?"

0-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-0

At this moment, Saji Genshiro was laughing his ass off.

Issei does not appreciate being laughed at.

Suddenly, Saji unexplainably got a wedgie when Issei walked away.

God is having a bad day.

0-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-0

Aika Kiryuu glared at the mob of fan-boys.

"Somehow, despite all these fans, I feel forgotten..."

 **0-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=++++++++++=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-0**

 **...I'm sorry. I had writer's block.**

 **SOOORRRRYYYYYYYY!**


End file.
